09 January 2008

Lack of Imagination

For some reason my brain has just switched off for the time being, or at least to be occupied with other matters than writing blog stuff. I am still trying though, since its relaxing to write now and then. Most of the writing I have been doing recently has been a story I am working on, more for my own entertainment than anything else. Still trying to get more time at work as well.

Actually my mind does not seem to be so much switched off as scrappy and wandering, I keep getting distracted and bored with things. I can focus for a short time, but not long, and I do not know why. To be honest I rather dislike it, I always used to be able to hyperfocus on things, ignoring everything else around me while, for example, I read a book, listened to music, played a game, wrote, practically anything. Now I seem to be unable to concentrate on such things for more than a minute or two at most before my mind starts wandering.

On the other hand I also seem to be a lot more content with life at the moment, much more at peace and settled with things. I do not know if this calmness has to do with my new inability to over-focus, or if it is related to the fact that I have lost my rage and bitterness at the world, my dissatisfaction and irritation at things. Maybe it is just because of the winter. I hope so, I do not like being in this sort of state. I miss my passion in life, even if at times I do not enjoy it. I am comfortable enough, but everything seems grey and dull these days. Comfort is not nearly enough, life is far too simple at the moment. I need some chaos. Maybe it is a form of masochism, maybe not, but things are just far too easy. I need the storm to arrive.

5 comments:

angel said...

that is an odd way to feel... and if you're not enjoying it i hope it passes quickly!

Lauren said...

Chaos is easy to bring apon yourself just think of the the one thing you most shouldn't do and do it. I'm imagining sisters here.

Mystery said...

I give up. Goodbye.

sweetass RSA said...

ok... why?... wtf??...
have a nice boring day ;-)

Nosjunkie said...

Um alright then