03 November 2007

Experimental Voice Recording Stuff

Well someone has asked to hear my accent, so while I am incredibly insecure about my voice I tried to set up a voice blog entry thing on here for the weekend, while I was away. Unfortunately it does not seem to have worked properly so while the entry is now here, it is a little delayed. It should have been posted up at about five o'clock last night.

Voice Diary of a Rampant Rabbit #1

02 November 2007

Bits That I Like

This is another vanity entry, all about me again and asking my faithful readers a question. The unfaithful readers can answer too if they must, but I'm watching you.

On to the topic of relevance today, which comes from a comment made to me while I was shopping for party food. A rather odd comment, but it got me thinking. Someone said that I had nice arm hair. Now let us be honest, this is a little weird, so I asked them about it. They said they had never seen any like it. Now I am getting more confused. Usually I assume that I am average in almost every way, in fact I often believe this even in the face of evidence, so a comment about my arm hair caught me a little by suprise.

They then explained, and I am now on a quest to find others with the same thing. Apparently most people have hair on their arms that is simply even all around, except for their lower forearm. Mine is mostly normal, but I have distinctive lines where it naturally grows in the same direction along the edge of each forearm. There must be others like that.

This comment caused my mind to drift and eventually come to the conclusion that there are two body parts I am completely happy with. There are my arms. Apparently I have very nice arms, according to a wide range of sources. This does extend to my hands as well. The other is my hair. I am extremely vain about my hair, sort of, I do not take amazing care of it other than to wash and condition it regularly, but I will not suffer sharp bladed instruments near it. I detest going to the hair dresser's, and will go at most twice a year and then only for a trim.

So the question is, what parts of your body are you happy with, and which parts are you proud of, and can I see them?

Off to do more party preparation now.

Everyone Has a First Time

As the title says, everyone has a first time and I am curious about yours.

Not when you lost your virginity. Frankly first time sex stories are usually fairly dull, and useful only to be told in person while under the influence of alcohol. Even the more interesting ones are never that special.

No, my curiousity today extends to alcohol. Recently I have caught myself drinking more than I usually do, and this is not a good thing. I am not drinking enough to get drunk, which takes rather a lot, but I am starting to drink more often on my own when I get stressed or depressed. This got me thinking about the first time I got drunk, and by extension got me wanting to know everyone else's first time.

I am a nosy old git sometimes.

But I will be fair. If I expect you to tell me about yours then I will tell you about mine.

Mine started when I woke up in a nice, clean hospital bed on a Tuesday afternoon, with a saline drip in my arm. No trace of a hangover, or anything else. In fact really the only problem seemed to be that my clothes were missing and I was in a hospital gown. Slowly as I lay there bits of the story came back to me, others I managed to piece together later.

I was fourteen, had just sailed with sixty other people on a three-masted ship with no engine to Denmark and back over the last nine days, and we had hit port a day early. Apart from nearly colliding with an oil tanker, and a mild storm, the trip had been quiet and uneventful. It had been a pleasant voyage, and the captain suggested that we should all attend a bar he knew of in order to celebrate a safe return. This seemed an excellent idea to me at the time, as I thought it would help me accept that the girl I had been sharing a bunk with (no full pentrative sex had occured, but just about everything else had) would be going back to her home town, a good six hundred miles from my own.

To the bar we went, with the last of our spending money. In my own case my left over money was in the region of sixty pounds. I discovered this was more than enough to allow me to get very, very drunk. According to other party-goers I managed to get through twenty to thirty double whiskeys, as well as spreading the joy around. After this I must have thought that it was a good idea to gather up my bunk buddy in my arms, and start back towards the ship, intending on a passionate and prolonged farewell.

This did not go entirely to plan. Somehow we did make it back to the docks, though how is still a mystery to me. I only know that we made it because a few of the more responsible drinkers apparently assigned themselves as our body guards, working on the sensible presumption that otherwise we could well turn up dead, or not turn up the next day. I selected a pier, and began to tug the object of my affections towards the end of it where our ship awaited in the shadowy, unlit darkness.

I then, according to witnesses, vanished with a splash.

Into the North Sea, off the coast of Scotland.

In Midwinter.

I woke up in the hospital the next morning.

Reason I am talking about this is that is pretty much how I feel right now. I just found out, after weeks of waiting, that not only did I not get the job, but that a decision I took today has placed me in direct opposition to my manager, and everyone else in my office, at work. It is a similar sort of feeling to that moment which flashes back to me now and then, stepping forwards onto what should have been solid ground, feeling uncertain but relieved at the potential of safety, then suddenly nothing there except freezing water.

31 October 2007

Halloween Costumes and Traumatised Tricksters

Well for a last-minute attempt it cannot be considered all that disastrous. I could not get a waistcoat, or a better shirt, or a rapier. I was stuck with a longsword instead but it will do. The cane incidentally is part of my collection, and was a very expensive Christmas gift from a particularly masochistic ex-girlfriend. It has a decent weight to it, but is just the right shape to leave nothing more than welts and bruises. Have to be careful about the glass crystal on the end though, the metal setting it is in caused rather more severe damage when someone took offense to my rather gothic outfit a few years back.

In fact that was another Halloween, when I had some rather less reputable friends than I do now, when I was actually the good boy of the group. In a way anyhow.

I may not have mentioned before but I have studied various different ways to use weapons, my own body, and other people's bodies in order to inflict harm. I have also spent a long time learning about how bodies, nerves, joints and muscles work. This is all rather off-topic though.

Every Halloween so far I have ended up in some form of fight. I have never in my life started a fight, and I try to stay out of them, but this is where my luck of the devil comes in. I will explain that another time.

This Halloween it seems is going to be peaceful, no one trying to egg the house or throw bricks at it for once. I should be able to just stay inside here. mix myself a cocktail, and relax.

30 October 2007

Exit Stage Left

Well there we go, one down. I made a decision tonight that I am cutting myself loose from Miss Complicated. I have removed her phone number from my phone, taken her off various other lists and things that I am a member of, and just left it. I am fed up of being messed around.

That may sound odd coming from me, with the number of relationships I have, but as I said I fall in love, like, lust, call it whatever you want easily. Once I am there I will do everything within my power to keep them as happy as I can. I will try to see them, I will try to be there for them if they need it, I will do whatever I can for them.

What I will not do is make constant excuses not to see them. I will not avoid them, while telling them that I just cannot make up my mind. If they ask for what I think of them, and anyone else who may be in my life, then I will be honest with them and tell them what I feel about them, what I feel about anyone else, and that if they ask me to choose then they should know what my choice will be. I will tell them if they seem to be hurt or upset that I will miss them, but that maybe just friends would be better.

I will not try and keep them in a constant mental dance where they cannot be sure where they stand, how I feel about them or anything else. Sure I recognise that she is confused, that she does not know how she feels, but I am no longer going to be the one who deals with it.

So, goodbye Miss Complicated, though you will hopefully never read this.

And apologies for the depressing post everyone, I will cheer up shortly.

Love, Hate and My Inability to Have Casual Sex

Casual sex is supposed to be a fun and entertaining thing for all involved, and in a way I regret that I find it impossible to have it. The idea of essentially using another person as a masturbatory aid, having no feelings whatsoever for them, no emotional connection, no little spark, nothing is a huge turn-off for me. In fact it makes me feel sick.

Angel's to blame for this post in a way, since she made a costume suggestion and I always like to fully research a costume. I found the character, at least the more modern one, stunningly appealing. I felt I had a lot in common with him. I am not arrogant enough to consider myself the greatest lover in the world, probably simply somewhere in the top ten, but the modern, romanticised version definitely has habits I can sympathise with.

To clarify for anyone who may not know, Don Juan deMarco is a semi-mythological figure and has been changed over the years. He started out as a callous heartbreaker, uncaring about the women he seduced, simply trying to prove his worth through the sheer quantity of his lovers. In more modern versions of the tale though he has changed somewhat, to become something of a fool who simply falls in love with great ease. It is arguable whether his conquests are people he has seduced, or simply people he is unable to refuse. There was what is supposed to be a good film starring Johnny Depp released, but I have yet to see the film.

This is the bit where I feel sympathy for him. I know that I fall for people very easily, not necessarily love, but something. I find it impossible not to form some sort of emotional attachment to most people, whether that attachment is affectionate or repulsion, there is almost always something. One of the things that most offends me is being referred to as a 'player'. I am not, in any way, a player. At least not as I see it. A player is the original form of Don Juan, a heartbreaker who only cares for their own pleasure and is simply trying to rack up their score. On the other hand I am quite happy being referred to as a slut. It seems fair, I find it very difficult to say no to people, particularly people I like. In fact I have slept with people who I could be considered to hate before, but that is a long and complicated story for another time.

And now some other news. I have apparently achieved two things in almost the same day. Firstly I have inspired Twin Pistols to start her own creative writing blog to showcase their work, and I have also won an award from Nosjunkie. I was grinning for about an hour after finding out, since this is a first for me. I particularly appreciated the comment that reading my blog had apparently improved her sex life, though I must admit I am curious as to how. I will have to throw in a few more tips on sex in the future I suppose, considering the google searches that bring people here and this particular comment.

29 October 2007

Cocktail Party Planning

I do not often plan or arrange parties. I have thrown some before, but it is usually a case of heading back after a night out to continue chatting, drinking and so on rather than an actual organised affair. So this is something new for me. On Friday I will be, for the first time, actually throwing a party deliberately, with forethought, planning, preparation and everything else.

In preparation for this momentuous occasion shopping has been performed. So far I have bought mixers, alcohol, bases and so on for the actual cocktails. I already have about £200 worth of cocktail making equipment ranging from shakers to a blender to bar spoons. Decorations still need to be bought or made, but that should not be too difficult as I do not plan to go over the top. A few skulls dotted around, maybe some paper chains.

There are some problems however. The first is that I still have no idea for a costume. My budget for the month is minimal, with all of the visiting and driving I have to do, so buying an expensive one is out. I need something simple and cheap suggested, and with my occasional insecurity attacks, not to mention the cold, I also need something that covers my body as much as a full set of clothes.

Second problem is that Miss Complicated may or may not be there, Sweetie may or may not be coming, and another girl who I will explain about shortly will be there.

Obviously if both Miss Complicated and Sweetie turn up I will be engaging in verbal gymnastics most of the night, possibly literal gymnastics if they manage to break the lock on my room and get to my weapons cabinet. Fortunately it seems much more likely that neither of them will make it.

The other girl is one I may need to come up with a nickname for. She has been having an on-off relationship with her boyfriend, gradually becoming more off than on. It seems that it has finally become fully off, at least for the next couple of weeks. She and I have talked in the past, though not seriously, but the main point of attraction for me is that some of my friends have said several times that she would be a perfect match for me, and that I would never get her.

Anyway, if anyone has any costume suggestions, decoration suggestions, food suggestions or anything else feel free to comment.

Oh, and if anyone wants to come along feel free to give me a yell. The only condition will be that you will be required to help restrain Sweetie should she turn up and meet Miss Complicated. It is not that I have lied to her, I have never told her that there is no one else in my life, or in my bed, and she has even given the impression that she accepts that. I just do not think the mix of coming face to face with bits of my life she does not need to ever know the details of and lots of alcohol is good for my health.

28 October 2007

On Flirting and Seduction

Because of my reputation various friends occasionally ask me for advice on flirting, and similar methods used in order to woo people of the female, and occasionally male gender. The problem is that my flirtation is not a deliberate activity, it is just something that occurs when I am near people I want to flirt with. However I am not stopped so easily, and so I am going to go over past relationships and try to work out how I got into them.

Sweetie, I started talking to her over the internet just as a friendly thing, and found myself flirting with her. Not seriously so as she had a boyfriend, but in the casual, friendly manner I do with anyone. This eventually progressed to a pleasant friendship, and then one night she called in tears due to a relationship crisis. So I arranged to go down the next day to just give her a day out of the house and take her mind off it.

Nothing was ever really discussed, but somehow during the middle of watching a cheap zombie film and laughing at the bad special effects we ended up kissing. I believe the progression went from me giving her a hug, and not letting go, to my fingers trailing back and forth on her arms, sides and legs, to leaning together, to kissing. Things continued from there fairly rapidly and kissing evolved into mindless, angry rebound sex, which was fun for all concerned even if my knees still bear slight scars from carpet burn.

Things with Miss Complicated were actually simpler, at least on the physical side. The first time we met we just chatted for a while, until we were back at the station and I was about to head off, while she was waiting for her taxi to arrive. I decided, and I should add that I was completely sober at this point, that I wanted to kiss her. I went for the simple approach. I grabbed her, and kissed her, just lightly. One of those polite kisses that is definitely not simply friendly, but does not probe too much or become aggressive. Again, the kissing simply progressed from there.

As I have mentioned Affair is an ex-girlfriend of mine. Originally she was intended to be just a friend, but when I went to actually see her in person for the first time she answered the door to her parent's house in a very see-through dressing gown, which made it quite blatant there was nothing underneath. We ended up fucking on the rug in the hallway, then again on the stairs, and the landing, in the shower, over the kitchen counter, on the kitchen table, and so on. That was all the first time we met.

What I do not know if is this sort of thing is typical or not. I have always assumed it is fairly normal to end up having rampant, passionate sex on first meeting someone if you find each other mutually attractive. My friends assure me that it is not. I have also had ex-girlfriends say that they do not know what came over them while they were with me, and in some cases they claim not to know what came over them when they meet me after a break-up. Usually this is after either having sex or performing some sort of sexual service for me.

I have also been told in the past that I am easy to fall in love or lust with, and this I really do not understand. At best I could be considered slightly above average in looks, at worst a long way below. So either I have some sort of aura of sex, or there is some trick to sleeping with people which I have subconsciously discovered and which could earn me an absolute fortune if I ever realise what it is.

On another note, I updated my library with another story yesterday. This one's a bit more adult than the first two. I'm planning to do three normal stories each month, all being put up on Saturdays, and one adult one on the last Saturday of each month. Go and give me feedback, I live for comments and feedback.