17 November 2007

Ogrish Kidnappings

So it seems I may have to explain what live-action roleplay or LRP or LARP is for the benefit of some. If you know of re-enactment then it is a similar activity, except that instead of being set to a particular historical event, which must be enacted in a similar way to that which originally occured, it is several days of running around pretending to be in a fantasy world where you can actually make a huge difference. In this particular case I was part of the monster crew, meaning that instead of being a heroic champion for honour and justice, or evil and persecution, or any other long-term character of my own invention I was playing the orcs, goblins, ogres, ghost, ghasts, zombies, bandits, raiders, peasants, and anything else that the players might encounter.

In the end myself and another crew member were represented as ogres, a rather large, grey-skinned creature with only a little more than animalistic intelligence. With massive American football pads, lots of furs, some masks, and large foam claws we managed to be reasonable intimidating. Throw in a few extensions to boots to increase height a little, so that I stood at nearly seven foot instead of my usual five foot and nine inches, and dusk-light, and you have something to terrify any knight in armour.

Sadly we may have terrified them a little too much, and the players barricaded themselves in a small hut while we shook the walls and hammered on the windows to the accompaniment of occasional quiet screams of panic from inside.

Following all of this, which finished at two in the morning, we gathered in the meal hall in order to socialise, chat, and flirt. the target of my flirtation shall be known as Essex from now on, and there will be more about her in the next entry. The evening somehow extended until about seven o'clock in the morning, with lots of drinking, chatting, joking and flirting until we finally all crawled to sleep. Then woke up two and a half hours later in order to get breakfast and still have time to get into appropriate costume, and warmed up for combat.

16 November 2007

Hijacking a Vaio

Student seems to have amazing taste in laptops, it must be said. She is also eminently simple. Other than a mild, friendly affection there are no real feelings between us. We get along, we can have sex. Simple and easy. No commitment to worry about, no emotional complications, if either she or I find someone else then we are still friends, and if we do not then still, we are friends.

Anyway I am sure a lot of you wanted the gory details. I am afraid there is not any gore involved. In fact it could be said that Student, for all of her talk, is almost distressingly vanilla. I get the impression that she does not want to be, but she most definitely is. After we went out for a meal we went back to her dorm room, put on a film, and ended up having sex which was pleasant, almost in the same way that I used to enjoy masturbation until it got boring. We then lay there talking about the hobbies we share, the fact that there was no 'click' between us, then slept until morning.

In the morning there was a repeat performance, again very casual and mundane, before a trip into town where I picked up supplies for the rest of the weekend. Cigarettes and brandy. Lovely.

I think I may steal this laptop.

15 November 2007

Escaping Reality

I do not have much time to post this before having to leave for work so I will have to forego my usual linguistic athletics and post in common English.

This weekend I am going away to escape for a time from reality. After work today I will be driving to meet, and visit, Student overnight followed by another smaller drive tomorrow afternoon to go to a winter LRP event. Hopefully I will not freeze to death too easily, as the accomodation for the event is inside and I will be taking full furs to wrap up in during the day and the battles. Not to mention that I will be taking magical warming potion, commonly referred to as ginger wine or mead.

Of course, I will not be wearing any metal armour, for obvious reasons. Metal armour in this sort of weather cools quickly and chills the wearer, no matter how much they move around. Chainmail is the worst as it presses close to your skin.

My weapons will be travelling up in the car with me. These are not the metal kind, but foam and latex replicas designed to look realistic, but with no risk of accidentally hacking off someone's limb. I have no idea what the plot for this event is, or really even the system, but hopefully that will be explained when I get there.

Hopefully I will get another chance to post, maybe even nab Student's computer tomorrow if I can, or to put up some messages from gabcast to reassure you all that I am still alive and well. I can check e-mail of course, though will probably only be able to do so at night when we have stopped having to run around hitting each other.

Either way, I am escaping reality for a while. I will see all of you kiddliwinks when I get back.

14 November 2007

Inventing Words: Mazed

It is known to myself that the word 'mazed' is already a word in uncommon usage, however I would still count this as my own personal invention. In my own usage of the word 'mazed' it is an abbreviation of two individual words, monitor, referring to one of those new-fangled video display units, and dazed, referring obviously to the experience of being in a daze, or a confusion.

So then we have the experience of being 'mazed', or suffering from a displaced sense of reality due to having spent too much of your valuable time at your disliked occupation staring into the flickering haze of such a device. In my case said time was in the region of eight hours. I then spent some time afterwards travelling by foot around my place of work in order to try to readjust to reality.

In other news there is yet another individual joining my cast list, this one rather unique. She is the first to be a person who knows the full content of this electronic journal. As such, she has very careful anonymity, until such time as she may desire otherwise. Her name, or the alias by which she shall be known, will be Mystery until another suggests itself.

Pre-New Year Ambitions

I have made a decision to improve my diction. Henceforth I will often be using more archaic language and construction of sentences in an attempt to further distance myself from the modern world. My mind is fully set upon seperating my own personal reality from that which truly exists, in the hopes of imposing my own view of the world upon its other inhabitants. Acknowledging the difficulty of such a project is only natural and I could be thought a fool for even conceiving of such, let alone embarking upon such a challenging path. Yet I will not relent. A new resolve has flooded me, and I am now dedicated to seeing all current and future ambitions through either to a successful conclusion, or a mortal one.

As such I believe I should mention the projects I am currently engaged with. Firstly there is the commencement of manually crafted correspondence with persons around the world, purely for the enjoyment of the written word and the reception of international missives. Such as arrive will be carefully saved and treasured. My ambition in this matter is to be corresponding with each of the continents, though I accept that writing to the southern-most continent of Antarctica may prevent a challenge, but not an insurmountable challenge. There is no time limit on this ambition, but to be fulfilled fully this must involve active correspondence with each continent in the same six month period.

The second of these projects is not such a noble cause. Instead it is my attempt to find gainful, full-time employment of some form within the next six months. I am not simply seeking a job, but actively looking for a vocation. I will only apply to those who will employ me in activities which I shall enjoy, and will make all possible attempts to escape from the fiendish electronic machinery and moronic users with which and whom I am currently plagued. I will continue working with these differential engines if, and only if, I manage to become independent of the mediocre management under which I have suffered since beginning in this trade. The only exception to such an ambition will be when I take a month, either in February or soon afterwards, in which I will attempt to raise funds by charging people for the pleasure of my company. This of course will require dedicated training, and high amounts of attention to my appearance, but all noble young men should do such anyway and I feel this can only help me in either ambition.

A third ambition will be the cessation of all nicotinous inhalations by the New Year, as well as the avoidance of all alcohol-related activities except for those in social environs. Even then my intake of such intoxicating products will be reduced to such levels as I retain my full functions and diction, though judgment is permitted to become moderately impaired during such activities.

As for progress on the first ambition, currently I have correspondence with personages on the continents of the New World, the European continent and the African continent. As such I must still find individuals to write to in the Southern section of the New World, the mysterious lands of Asia, and that colony of Australia. Antartica will of course remain my largest challenge, being that the continent is largely uninhabited, except for small pockets of scientific researchers, and I imagine that few of them have the time or inclination to attend to my humble abode on the international network of computers.

Recently at my current place of employment I have found myself with both too much time unoccupied, and an abundance of plasticine. I wish to introduce you all to my latest creation, a product of both of these.

Word of the day: Huna - The unpleasant result of coming to the wrong decision.

13 November 2007

A Minor Scuffle

It has been a long whil since I have been required to use my more martial skills, but I found myself with such opportunity tonight. I decided that this night I would partake in an evening stroll for the purpose of delivering certain letters, by way of the post box. On this same stroll I decided to enjoy a drug in a form commonly referred to as a 'cancer stick', and had already slightly over-indulged in wine of a reddish hue.

It so happens that my journey to the delivery box belonging to the royal mail was to take me past a habitat much enamoured of certain less reputable aspects of young society. It was, at the time that I passed it, being utilised by a small number of such youths, in the style of dress adopted to replicate certain supposed artists of a musical style known as 'hip-hop', or approximating said style. As may be known to you, individuals adopting this style are often of a violent persuasion and greeted me in a civilized manner with shouts of 'Oi, long-hair, go'a spare cig?'

After a moment spent translating their strange dialect, I replied to the leader of the trio. 'Not for you.'

They seemed to take some offense at this, and the leader dared to lay hands upon my noble person, seizing my wrist and demanding that I provide them with these mysterious 'cigs'. I did not appreciate this, and am rather proud of myself for coming up with the witty retort of 'Unhand me thou cur.'

Such language seemed to cause some degree of consternation among the youths, and the one laying hands upon my arm did look rather suprised. Through my martial training I knew that the best way to avoid further confrontation was to free myself, and back away, and that this could easily be accomplished with no injury to any involved. However, I had not appreciated the insults that this uncivilized young lad had hurled in my direction, and decided for a more complex approach.

After the rapid application of my foot to the groinal area of his body, and the following application of a knee to his face, and an elbow to the spine, his compatriots decided that discretion was the better part of valour and beat a hasty retreat. Meanwhile my attacker was still breathing, and conscious, though seemed in no state to talk or object, and after scrambling to his feet followed his colleagues.

Meanwhile I continued on my jaunt, enjoying my cancer stick, and delivering my missives for dispersal to those who had requested them.

Red Letter Club

Suprisingly, more people took me up on this in the first day than I was expecting. The number is at four at the moment, which is four more than I was expecting, and anyone else interested in having a physical, actual letter is welcome to e-mail me. I am enjoying this writing thing.

In other news I am getting more than a little fed up with work. Today my most exciting task involved two hours of dragging items around on a screen, and clicking the occasional button. My job search is rapidly becoming more enthusiastic. If I do not find something soon I may have to start looking into thieving.

The escort idea, as well as the own business idea, have also been running through my mind a lot. I have decided that if I do not have something full time by the end of January I am applying to join an agency for a month, and we will see how it goes from there.

Should be visiting Student on Thursday after work, and then I have a weekend of rest and relaxation. This will also include no internet, but I will try to make a couple of posts through the magic of gabcast.

12 November 2007

Red Letter Day

I do not write letters, ever. Or at least I do not until today. Today though I received a letter, and replied, and have decided that I quite enjoy writing them. I still have a stack of air mail paper and envelopes left though, currently unused, so I have come up with a plan.

Anyone who gives me their address, by e-mail obviously not just in the reader comments box, will receive in return a letter. If you request something specific you will probably get it, otherwise you may get absolutely anything. Random ramblings, a piece of poetry, a short story, an essay on the supernatural, or anything else in between. If you would like to be able to write back, let me know that as well and I will include a return address for you to write to.

I never really understood the appeal of pen-pals when I was younger, or of writing, but I think I may be beginning to get it.

So remember, send me your address by e-mail and I will send you a letter. Send a request as well and I will do my best to fulfill it in the letter. Your own addresses only though please, I do not want to end up writing to complete strangers.

The only thing I ask in return is that when you get a letter you let me know, whether by e-mail or by putting up a mention of it on your blog is unimportant. I would just like to get reactions from people.

Desperate Cries

I appreciate that babies can be difficult, that they can sometimes just cry and cry and cry. I can understand all of that. I can put up with being woken up much earlier than I need to be because my nephew is crying, and it often makes him stop if he is walked through the house, including past the door of my room. I can understand that you may not think about other people in your desperation to make him stop, therefore a bath seems like a good idea, since that often calms him down. Even though the bath room is seperated from mine by a single plaster wall, and the bath just makes him louder.

I can sympathise with your desperation and stress after he has been crying for two hours, all of which I should point out I have had to listen to. I can appreciate that the desperate cries he is making are driving you to insanity because, trust me, they are doing the same with me. All of this I can sympathise with, with my infinite patience.

Now shut the little brat up or take him somewhere else in the house before I brain him! I know he is my nephew but I was trying to sleep, I need some rest. I love him dearly I will admit, but frankly he is not my bloody baby and I should not have to spend two hours early in the morning listening to him scream. I should not have to tread delicately and be polite around you after having put up with this screaming, and tolerate your yelling at me for closing a door to try and muffle the sound. I have every right to try not to listen to him, even if he is ill. If you had not been dumb enough to take antibiotics while you were on the pill and having rebound sex with your new boyfriend because your fiance dumped you then this would not even be my problem.

Now either give me some cigarettes, since I am out, or get him and yourself out of arms reach.

Three hours now, and still going. My sanity and temper will return soon I am sure.

11 November 2007


For the last few years I have considered getting some tattoos done. Just small ones of certain semi-abstract designs with various different superstitious meanings. This is a quick, short post to announce that I have finally decided to get the first of these done, and am just debating about placement. The options are inside of the wrist, upper arm, inside of the forearm, shoulder blade or chest.

This is the first design I am planning to get. It does have various meanings attached to it, though there is a specific one for which I am getting it. I have been deciding about these tattoos for three years now, waiting not only until I felt it was an appropriate time but also until I was at least reasonably sure I would not regret getting them done.

I will probably stick to the same sort of size as the picture here, maybe a little larger, but nothing huge. There are quite a few more of these after all. All I need to do now is go and speak with a tattooist and get everything arranged.

Thinking of Being an Escort

As you may know, I have a serious lack of money, particularly for the lifestyle I want to lead. As well as applying for various different jobs, full time rather than the part time one that I work now and trying to get more hours where I am now I am looking at more creative solutions. Among these are talking to a friend about a business idea, possibly more news on that later when I have spoken with them, and joining an escort agency.

Either of these will take time, and a lot of effort. For the escort agency I would need to get back into shape and start taking a lot more care of my appearance. I would also probably need to start paying a lot more attention to modern culture and news.

What I really want to know is other people's advice and views on this idea. I have had friends commenting that it seems a little too much like selling myself, but being an escort is not supposed to involve sex, and frankly with my love of attention the fact that people might pay for my attention is a huge buzz. I enjoy meeting with and talking to people, and would even say that I can be a very engaging conversationalist.

The only big problem I can see with this whole thing is that I am not happy with dancing, so I would need to work on that. I would also need to expand my wardrobe rather a lot.

So, ideas, views, advice, criticisms of the ideas, anything else?

And would anyone consider hiring me? That is probably my biggest concern, that no one might want to book me. Not great for confidence.