Personal Trainer

It transpires that friend's sister is studying to be a fitness trainer, and needs a project to complete her course. She has decided that I am that project, so I will now be eating healthily, exercising regularly, and quitting smoking. If I fail to do any of this then I have a promise that I will regret it under certain vague threats. On the plus side there is at least a reason for me to take up running. Exercising alone is, well, dull. Chasing after an attractive person who you really should not be doing certain things with adds a certain incentive, particularly when promises are made about what happens if you manage to keep up for the entire run.

I still do not like to write about work, so suffice it to say that I am applying for yet another job that I would like but am unlikely to get. Got to be worth a try. I may be travelling to America at some point in the future for a residential training course. Looking forward to that, especially as with any luck I will even be travelling to a place near Mystery. She does not know that yet though, and I do not want to tell her until I have it confirmed, so keep it quiet everyone.

Lack of Imagination

For some reason my brain has just switched off for the time being, or at least to be occupied with other matters than writing blog stuff. I am still trying though, since its relaxing to write now and then. Most of the writing I have been doing recently has been a story I am working on, more for my own entertainment than anything else. Still trying to get more time at work as well.

Actually my mind does not seem to be so much switched off as scrappy and wandering, I keep getting distracted and bored with things. I can focus for a short time, but not long, and I do not know why. To be honest I rather dislike it, I always used to be able to hyperfocus on things, ignoring everything else around me while, for example, I read a book, listened to music, played a game, wrote, practically anything. Now I seem to be unable to concentrate on such things for more than a minute or two at most before my mind starts wandering.

On the other hand I also seem to be a lot more content with life at the moment, much more at peace and settled with things. I do not know if this calmness has to do with my new inability to over-focus, or if it is related to the fact that I have lost my rage and bitterness at the world, my dissatisfaction and irritation at things. Maybe it is just because of the winter. I hope so, I do not like being in this sort of state. I miss my passion in life, even if at times I do not enjoy it. I am comfortable enough, but everything seems grey and dull these days. Comfort is not nearly enough, life is far too simple at the moment. I need some chaos. Maybe it is a form of masochism, maybe not, but things are just far too easy. I need the storm to arrive.

Oops

Oh well, so much for behaving. I have this to say for the friend's sister, she's a good kisser at least. Not the smartest apple in the harvest, but sod it, I have no interest in feeling guilt any more. If I did I would never get anywhere. Nothing has gone further yet, and I suppose it may not, but frankly I am currently horny and lack the money to travel in order to acquire any simpler satisfaction.

Of course as I have said before something in me craves complications in life. We will see what happens this weekend, when I have the house to myself for a while and may have visitors. With luck it may be Russian visiting instead, but still I have only got as far as hugs with her, and chatter. I suspect that is as far as I will ever get, not necessarily because she actually believes me and takes me seriously, but more likely because I actually like her. That is rather a novelty for me, while I do not like to hurt people it is mostly due to the fact that I do not like to be a bad guy. In the case of Russian, and a few others, it is because I actually give a damn. Quite a novelty indeed.

I am mildly drunk at the moment so this entry may not be incredibly consistent, not to mention that the time is rather late, or early depending on how you look at it and I have had a busy day of trying to outwit players. I also miss Mystery, rather a lot, since I have not had time to speak to her recently. She may well not read this, in fact she probably will not, but I still hope that she can make it her soon.

Work is being complicated, I still need to find a way to get myself full-time work rather than simply part-time. I need the extra money, and I need to find a way to use the time that I would otherwise be at work for. At least I need to find a way which is in some way productive and useful, rather than simply sitting and scheming to myself. Tomorrow I meet Russian for coffee again, looking forward to that. I will let you know how it all goes.

I just do not seem to have much to write about at the moment, suggestions, comments or questions are more than welcome. I have a need to write but seem to be unable to think of anything to write about.

Where is my Snow?

Snow means a lot of different things to me, one of the main ones being that I do not have to work if it snows. Above and beyond the fact that I get a free holiday, however, is the chance that snow gives me to just act like a child with no guilt or shame. I can run outside, grabbing friends or family members, and build a snowman or start having a snowball fight without any criticism or disparaging looks. Everyone relaxes just enough to enjoy the snow, regardless of their age, and remembers for a little while how to play.

It is something that most people seem to forget as they get older, the ability to simply play without letting all of the restrictions we feel as adults get in the way. So often we take things too seriously to laugh at them, or find ourselves in too sombre a mood to enjoy the things we wish we could. We mention that things are petty or childish, because it makes us feel older and more important to do so, ignoring the fact that we would secretly love to do those things.

I have been accused by friends, and others, many times of treating life like a game and of not taking anything seriously enough. The problem I find is that when people accuse me of treating life like a game, they often seem to assume that I am playing it as such in order to win some mystical shining prize. As with many other games which I play, I know there is no way to win, the aim is to enjoy getting to the end and have a good time with the other people playing as you do so.

Resolutions

So what will I be resolving to do this year? I am not quite sure myself yet, but there are certain things that I have made a definite decision on.

1. Put effort into whatever I am wearing - No longer am I going to opt for the easy route of jeans and whichever t-shirt I happen to grab. On the rare occasions that I will not be wearing some sort of suit my outfit will now be carefully considered and thought through. I will also be on a continual search for ties, hats, cufflinks, waistcoats and the like, not to mention such styles as a hard-boiled detective ensemble, or pin-stripe gangster suit. I have finally grown bored of the blending in which my normal clothes allow, and decided to go in the opposite direction, not to make a statement as such, merely to stand out a little more than I do already.
2. Reduce the amount of cigarettes I get through - I am not going to try and simply quit overnight, that would be foolish, but I do intend to try and cut down on the number of cigarettes that I smoke until I can get by on one every couple of days. Of course, there is no guarantee this will work.
3. Be more organised - For once I am actually keeping track of money, appointments and so on in a little diary. If I can keep this up then I might even be able to avoid double-booking arrangements as I have many times before, and avoiding my overdraft would be pleasant as well. I am also keeping track of names and phone numbers in another book, for the inevitable moment when I lose my phone.

That is all for now, but I may add more later if I think of any or if anyone suggests any. In other news for the day, the acquaintance's sister has tracked down my phone number by temporarily stealing her brother's phone. I could have warned him that telling her to keep away from me would not work, but there you go. Moderate levels of flirting ensued but mostly the conversation simply consisted of friendly talking.

The cast-list cleanup will be occuring tomorrow, or tonight if I get back from a meal with Russian early enough.

Back to Normality

Back to work today, always seems slightly unreal after the frenetic activity of the holidays to return to an office where my basic duty is to sit and stare at a screen, while pretending to be doing something productive. That is even what I am doing now, sitting here acting as though I am researching a new system and working on a project proposal rather than typing out a blog entry. I will probably begin to blog more often again now, since the mad rush is over and I should have more time to myself. Of course, Wintereenmas is coming up and I have various preparations to carry out for that, not to mention organising various parties and gatherings.

For those of you who may not know about Wintereenmas, it is a holiday designed to help fill the gap between Christmas and Easter, and is a celebration of all things game-related, whether they be computer games, board games, card games or anything else. LAN parties and gaming nights are traditional seasonal celebrations, and the week of celebration itself is always the last week of January. The rest of January is usually taken up, as with Christmas, in gearing up and preparing for the season. Decorations are made and strung, board games are laid out with care, computers are cleaned and polished and games are installed upon them. Essentially Wintereenmas is an excuse to get together with a whole group of friends, get drunk, and have fun, not necessarily in that order. This year I will be trying to take full advantage of the holiday by gathering as many friends as I can for all forms of gaming.

Going back to the holidays past, things have been hectic to say the least. New Years was a round-the-world affair beginning in Australia at midday, with a barbeque, and working around the world until we reached England. Then of course everyone was pulled from their beds early in the morning for a large American breakfast, involving pancakes, waffles and champagne. I was mixing cocktails for most of the night, and for once was not having to deal with any members of the female persuasion as I decided to deliberately ring this New Year in alone, with just family and friends. It made a nice change to be able to just be myself for a while, and be able to be selfish.

I also decided not to really worry about resolutions, though I have made a decision to improve my style of dress. Any attempt I may have made to quit smoking for New Years was quickly discarded as the huge relief that the first cigarette of the new year granted me quickly discarded any good intentions I may have had.

Appropriate to a New Year, I will be starting the cast list over. It will be wiped clean and only those who are still around this year will be included, but that will be done when I get home from work. Or when I get bored and my boss' back is turned, whichever comes soonest. Other changes or resolutions will be announced as they crystallize in my mind.

Oh, and the acquaintance's sister has been in touch. Apparently she searched through her brother's room in order to find my phone number so that she could text me a New Year message. This must be kept quiet, since supposedly she has been warned to keep away from me and not talk to me. I feel more than a little aggrieved at this sort of treatment. It seems that certain people have absolutely no understanding of human nature.