Cast Updates

I have decided that it might be worth updating people on the status of various cast members tonight. So, running through in alphabetical order and with the addition of a new potential member, here we go.

• Affair - Is still around, though I get less chance to talk to her these days since her boyfriend has recently become unemployed and is spending more time at home. However she is still trying to arrange a visit to me, or vice-versa, where we will be undisturbed by her boyfriend and both of us will have a chance to once again indulge in the rampant and rather messy sex which we had before certain circumstances persuaded us that staying together would be to the detriment of both our lives, and that we were better off as simply friends with the potential for benefits.
• BedBuddy - Has now found herself a boyfriend and, while we are still friends, is not currently a member of the cast. She did however send me some interesting pictures of herself and her new boyfriend. She will be being removed from my little cast list shortly.
  
• Essex - Is very much still around in a friendly, no-strings attached to either party manner. I am hoping to find an opportune time to visit her again soon.
• Miss Complicated - Is purely a friend now, things just got far too stressful for either of us to maintain even pretense at something more. Holding back and simply being friendly while discussing the overthrow of the government seems much easier for both of us.
• Mystery - Is still very much around, and has even commented on here recently. She will be remaining anonymous for the time being though. Wish that she lived a lot closer.
• Slave - Post-visit a decision has been reached whereby we will be remaining friendly, but accept that we are not suited for that sort of relationship. Frankly she is far too much hard work as are many of her friends. I am not willing to start providing that much support.
• Stalker - Has calmed down and backed away recently, but still regularly tries to contact me.
• Student - Is still around as a friend, and as an occasional bedwarmer. There is no real passion between us, at least not of the romantic time, but there are times when a bedwarmer or a simple, uncomplicated, unemotional fuck makes things much clearer.
• Sweetie - Again, very much still around and hopefully I will be seeing her before Christmas. Things are getting a little complicated here however, as she is starting to let me know that she is jealous. Not quite sure what to do since she also does not want to break things off.
• Tart - Completely gone, simply vanished off the face of the earth as far as I can tell. Mutual friends and acquaintances have no idea what has happened to her so it seems she may have simply gone.

Now as to the new one, tonight I was meant to be meeting with some friends who I have not seen for a while. Those friends managed to lose mobile phones or just fail to answer them, but while waiting in the pub I was approached by a young lass with a pretty face and a Russian accent. The rest of her body was also not unnattractive, and we began a conversation about fantasy writing and the supernatural before drifting into other topics. After a tour of several bars and a coffee shop she was returned home, with any innocence that she may have had intact except for some moderate tickling, playing around and petting. Phone numbers exchanged, and the conversation has continued through the wonders of text messaging. So, a new member of the cast, I would like you all to meet Russian.

Restless Night

Last night was not a good night. Slave's housemates had some friends round, and evidently decided to experiment with certain chemical substances I would prefer to avoid, except potentially in a clinical setting. I have an absolute fascination with hallucinations, and particularly a condition referred to as synaesthesia, but if I am going to experiment with substances that can cause either I am going to be extremely careful about it.

This led to one of them suffering what is known in common parlance as 'a bad trip' and spending the night on the stairs outside the room I am sleeping in alternately ranting, raving, and trying to break down the door. Quite evidently he was utterly off his head, and completely ignoring the people trying to talk him down.

Personally I just attempted to sleep. There was little I could have done had he actually managed to break down the door except hope that being completely sober and level-headed I would be capable of fending off someone a foot taller and of much heavier build than myself. I like to think that I would have managed, but I have to say that this was the first time in my entire life I have felt that helpless in such a situation.

Normally I can talk someone down from a rage easily, but this person seemed barely able to understand English. Failing that were I at home I would have access to various handy, but non-lethal weapons which are stashed around my room and the house. Okay, so I am a little paranoid, but I have my reasons. Even failing that I would have been able to run away, or call for help.

But in this case there was absolutely nothing that I felt I could actually do, except maybe unlock the door and hope that I was faster than him, and I was not ready to take that chance willingly.

As soon as I get back home I am joining the gym and finding a martial arts class. I want my complete self-confidence back.

This Meebo Thing

You may have noticed at the side of the blog, on the right there, is a little box saying 'meebo me' or some such. This is a wonderful little device which allows all of you lovely people to send me messages, and me to send them back when I am online. You get the idea I am sure. Messages sent are anonymous unless you choose to identify yourselves, so feel free to rant away.

Anyway I am sure the certain ones of you are interested in the graphic details of what has been going on in the little den of sin I find myself spending my time in. Slave has spent the majority of my time here on a leash, servicing me in some form whether that is by entertaining herself, massaging me, or more intimate tasks. After time spent on the leash she is released in order to cuddle and have actual affection.

This is something which often puzzles people about dominant-submissive relationships. It is important to remember that you are not trying to break your submissive's spirit or turn them into a true slave. In fact they are the ones who have actual control, since they are the only ones who can utter a safeword and stop whatever is going on. In a good relationship a safeword should never be needed, since the dominant should be aware enough of what the submissive is willing to do and what they can take that they should push their limits, but never go beyond them.

I have made it quite clear to Slave however that I will not be signing a contract with her, this is fun and games for both of us. Even if it were not she lives too far away for me to be willing to bind myself to her in contract, I do not know enough about her, and frankly the idea of actually permanently 'owning' another person terrifies me.

Awards Left and Right

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Waking Strangely

I can sleep peacefully anywhere, one I can actually fall asleep, and here I have managed to have a peaceful, refreshing night, from which I have awoken both with my cold gone, and slave's mouth around my cock. After she finished her work she has informed me that there are certain things that need to be done today, such as a visit to the citizen's advice bureau, and that she wants to know if I would like breakfast.

After letting her know that I am not hungry, but would appreciate some coke, she leaves and I change rooms in order to take a quick shower. As she re-emerges with my coke, I tell her to put it down before throwing her onto the bed, pinning her down, shoving her skirt upwards and fucking her. Now I feel awake. Off to get dressed now, so hope you kiddies are having fun.

Flying to the Land of the Fey

I left at six o'clock in the morning, far far too early for my own comfort. Grabbing last minute items to be packed as I hurried out the door, shuffling cars around and arranging lifts before leaving for the airport. My usual paranoia kicked in and I began to panic about being late. I hate being late for flights. Fortunately, while it was cut close to the measure of thirty seconds, I was not actually late enough to miss my coach, or the subsequent flight.

Ireland has always been considered a slightly unreal, spiritual place, and its inhabitants similarly befuzzled by reality. I always find myself experiencing a similar feeling when I fly, or travel, a long distance. Admittedly Ireland is not a long distance, but due to the combination of car, coach and plane I used to find myself here, it was a long trip and I left the plane in a slight fuzz of unreality and confusion.

Unfortunately this did not last long, as it was quickly dismissed by the fact that the city of Belfast looked like an average area of London, and a Costa Coffee shop occupied pride of place in the middle of the airport. Dissappointed, I moved outside for a cigarette, hoping to catch a leprechaun or one of the sidhe sneaking a smoke of their own, but none were there. Instead Slave met me with a hug and a submissive bow of her head. For my own part, I was too tired from the journey to do much more than lie on a sofa, so the first night was taken up with watching of various films while she obediently massaged my back, followed by sleep.

Pack Up Your Troubles

I love to travel, to go to new places, meet new people, see new things. I even enjoy the travelling, flights, driving, sailing, it does not matter which. The bit I do not enjoy is the packing and unpacking. Supposedly I should be packing now, I have about five hours before I will be too busy to do anything, but I just cannot summon up the energy. Between aches and exhaustion I am far too lazy to do anything useful.

Which is a pity, because I will need clothes for Ireland. At least for travelling to Slave's house.

Fortunately I should have internet access while I am there, so I will be trying to keep all of you updated on any debauchery or scandalous activities during the week.

There were none this weekend, except for the occasional poking fight with a rather attractive young lass. Sweet though she was, I believe she has a boyfriend, so things will be going no further there. Fun all the same though.

Into Unconsciousness

Originally I was going to make this entry a rant about something which occured at work today, but I have changed my mind, probably a good decision. Instead I will take you back on a journey through time, to a younger, more active time. In fact a time when I was back with Tart and discovered that it is in fact possible to screw someone unconscious.

The process took five hours, some bondage, a bit of light pain, and lots of sex. She was tied up and at my mercy for almost the entire time, though a safeword was specified first. The actual sex only started after the first hour, which I spent mostly teasing and tormenting her with mouth and hands, and various toys. Whenever I felt myself close to orgasm, I would stop, and use her mouth instead for a time, carefully to let me calm down but still keep me hard. While doing this I would abuse her with various toys, whether the rabbit, a plug or anything else that came to hand.

I did however take pictures, which I recently discovered when someone reminded me of this through an inadvertant comment. These pictures will not be up on this blog, for fairly obvious reasons I would hope. Anyway, as you can imagine after five hours of constant stimulation, usually in at least two places, not to mention that my hands and mouth were wandering, occasionally stroking, squeezing, slapping, licking or biting her defenseless little body, and more orgasms on her part than we bothered counting, she suddenly went limp.

After a moment's panic I ascertained that she was still breathing, freed her, and waited a few minutes for her to come around which she eventually did.

On more current matters Mystery is still around, and sent me a post card recently. It must be said that she has a talent for selecting good pictures. Tomorrow afternoon I will probably be meeting Essex for a time, and Thursday Sweetie. Then friday is more LRP, and next Monday of course is my trip to Ireland.

Word of the day: Woking, meaning to walk into the kitchen then forget what you went in there for.

Recovery Day

While I have to go and run a game this evening, most of today is going to be spent relaxing and recovering. Over a larp event I tend to have maybe three hours sleep a night. I also usually spend most of my time not eating properly, though that was not such a problem at this event, and running around madly in heavy armour battering people with weaponry. Obviously this can get tiring, so today I am going to relax.

At the moment I am still in bed, in a minute I will drag myself out of it and into the bath. A lovely, hot bath. Possibly with candles and incense. And a book. And ice cream. I may grab a shower beforehand, to get clean first. Afterwards, maybe a cigarette and a nice simple cocktail, a bite to eat, lie in front of the fire for a while and relax a bit more before I head off to be caused stress by my friends tonight.

Other plans for the week are going to work, unfortunately, visiting Essex on Wednesday, visiting Sweetie on Thursday to Friday, going off to larp again on Friday, and of course packing for Ireland to see Slave.

Experiences of Sex and Pain

Even for supposedly vanilla people sex and pain are often intrinsically linked. This post may contain a handful of terms which some are not familiar with, so it might be easier for me to explain them now. Vanilla refers to plain sex, though people use the term differently. Some use it to refer to any sex which does not involve some sort of kink or violence, others use it to refer specifically to missionary sex. Bondage refers to being bound, whether with rope, chains or anything else. Domination and submission refer to power plays, usually just during sex but for some people extending a long way outside the bedroom. Sadomasochism is an enjoyment of giving or receiving pain.

One important thing for this post is the distinction between kinks and fetishes. A fetish is a strictly defined term, and in terms of sex means something without which someone cannot have sex. A kink on the other hand is simply something which can enhance the experience or enjoyment of sex. I have many, many kinks, but no true fetishes.

Now as to my own experiences, my first experience of rough sex, sadomasochism, was also the first time I actually had sex. That one I have already talked about, so this is more for the others.

Mainly in alternative sex, as it is sometimes described, I tend to take a dominant role. It can happen that the right person can push me into a submissive attitude, but that is extremely rare. The first time that occurred was with the same girl who I had my first time with. I ended up being entertainment for a party, though I still do not know how many people there were at the party, having been blindfolded and restrained for the whole time. The details are rather vague and blurred in my head, the whole thing being a mess of voices, hands, and the occasional mouth, for eight hours.

I could barely move afterwards. Being locked with your wrists to your ankles for eight hours of writhing and struggling takes its toll on your joints. I had marks around my wrists and ankles for weeks afterwards.

Of course as I said I have been very much on the other side before, I have had people acting as my pets for days, following every order, surrendering everything in the way of choice to me for a time and taking punishment if they disobey. This is why I am looking forward to my trip to Ireland, it has been a long time since I have been able to play with someone with that level of submission. I have various toys along those lines, a simple whip which I have never used. It is more a prop than anything else. A cane which is particularly well-made, with a nice weight, and leaves good solid welts when correctly applied to the body. Carefully blunted knives which can prick and give the illusion of danger, but are incapable of actually cutting.

Safety is actually important in this sort of sex though. Safe words are used in case things go too far, something I am careful to establish with any partner who may be partaking in risky activities with me. I have spare keys for any restraints I have, and a small set of lockpicks just in case those go missing.

Definitely looking forward to Ireland though, where I can actually put this sort of thing to its full use again. I may not want to indulge every time, but every now and then it is an urge which I want to have a chance to explore.

Pet Names and Nicknames

I am sure that everyone has been called by one of these at some point in their life. Whether as a term of endearment such as sweetie, pet, gorgeous, or something similar which now breeches our lovely new view of political correctness, or as something less pleasant or less innocent. I tend to use these for people a lot. Even male friends will occasionally get called 'Sugarpie' or 'Snugglelumps', usually when I am trying to scrounge a drink from them. The most common two which I use though are 'Girly' and 'Boy'.

Of course this does irritate some people, particularly when I start using them on people obviously older than me, but in general I get away with it. Some limited number of the people I know actually have nicknames of their own, which I will usually use.

The kicker is that I personally believe a nickname you have acquired down the years actually says something about you, whether that is pleasant or unpleasant. You have actually earned a true nickname, and it will then stay with you faithfully. Only the closest of my family use my real name when speaking to or of me, anyone else calls me 'Rabbit' or 'Bunny', or variations thereof. That name has been with me for years now, since I was at University, and while it may be overly-feminized or just plain silly, it is my nickname and I am rather attached to it.

The theorised reasons for my nickname are many, and varied, but you can now hear the true story. At University I shared a house with various people of the female persuasion. Comments were made likening me in various ways to members of the lapine species. Eventually the comments stopped being made, and simply the name remained. Of course, one evening while the group of us were watching a film the conversation ended up turning to sex toys. During this conversation the Ann Summers Rampant Rabbit was mentioned, and things moved from there.

So what are your nicknames, and how did you get them? If you do not have one what would you like it to be and why?

Only a few weeks now until my trip into the land of debauchery and sin, which I am rather looking forward to. Slave has apparently been cleaning for the last few days, or at least trying to clean. Hopefully she will be meeting me at the airport, and with a little luck I can restrain myself until the risk of being hauled in by security guards is gone.

Also looking forward to meeting up with, or rather staying with, Student in a couple of weeks. Just for a night before I go camping, but with any luck she will be joining me on the weekend as well.

Pain and Pleasure

Admittedly this is a very stereotypical post for someone like me to make, and has been discussed many times before, but I still feel like mentioning it. I cannot think of anything else to post about tonight at least, though suggestions for future posts are more than welcome. Anyway onto the topic.

One of my more disturbing party tricks was discovered a while ago by a friend who wanted to show off his grip. He tried to crush my hand, in the middle of a pub. The moan I let out was enough to discourage anyone from doing it again. The fact that I had a stupid, semi-orgasmic grin on my face for the next few minutes only made it worse. Similar incidents have occured before, and since, usually prompted by comments of 'hurt him, its funny' or suchlike by friends.

Now while I do not mind people finding my reaction to pain fairly comical most of the time, it can get a little irritating. In a way it might be thought of as someone finding it amusing that you find it pleasurable to have someone kiss your neck. If pain is a sensual pleasure, then inflicting that pain becomes linked in some way to that pleasure. That pleasure, even if it may be enjoyable to be watched, or take risks in public, is still a highly intimate thing, and so pain becomes the same.

The other thing I should mention is that not all pain is the same. In a fight for instance I do not want to get hurt. In a context where things could be serious, where I could end up severely injured, it stops being fun. Only when things are casual, or at least I am not in actual danger, are things enjoyable.

Now to flip the coin I also enjoy inflicting pain, again in a relatively safe manner. For anyone who may not know the fancy word for this, sadomasochist is the term that you are looking for. If you are thinking of the stereotypical leather-wearing person in bondage then I am afraid you are under a misconception.

As to why I enjoy it, something I have been asked before, I have some difficulty explaining. It may simple be that I enjoy sensation, all sensation, and pain is amazingly close to the sensation that orgasm brings. Or it may just be bad wiring in my brain. It could even be a deep-buried self-loathing that makes me enjoy being hurt. Any of those could be the case, essentially though I enjoy giving and receiving pain.

This post has ended up a little longer than I was planning, so any how-to tips or details of my own experiences will have to wait until another time. I think experiences might well be saved until after I have had a chance to visit Slave in Ireland and play a little more in this particular fetish.

Reluctantly Returning to Work

I really do hate this.

To clarify for those at different areas of the globe. Because of the shortening days it now means that I actually have to get up for work while it is still dark. I will also be returning from work as it gets dark again. No wonder people get depressed during winter.

There is some good news though, Sweetie made it down to visit Sunday evening, and left on Monday evening. Fun was had all round, from about ten minutes after I met her and we dodged into a hedge on the way home, to a little while before I dropped her off and she was toying with me in the car. Oh, and for one particular person who knows who they are, I did think of you.
My schedule for Monday was rather relaxed, involving occasionally leaving the bed in order to put on a different DVD and the occasional exhausted period of restful slumber. It was a good day. Today is not such a good day.

Other news involves me having booked plane tickets to Ireland for the last week in November, so I am off out there to see Slave then. Definitely looking forward to my week of illicit indulgence and experimentation. Doubtless there are some people who will not approve, but frankly if you really had an objection to my lack of morals I would have thought you would either have let me know by now or stopped reading.

Next month is going to be interesting budget-wise. Trying to live a decent lifestyle on half normal wages. I have a flight and holiday to pay for, a party to organise and at least partly pay for, an event to go to, rent to pay, bills to pay, and general living to do. Here is hoping I hear back from one of the full-time places I have applied to sooner rather than

The Last One for now

There's one more girl who deserves to be in the cast, though I should point out now that just because the cast of sexual interests is complete I will still be gradually adding my family and friends as they justify it. I also have plans which should be announced in this post as well.

The last girl who has earned her place in the cast is yet another ex-girlfriend. Yes, I know I have too many. I have got a count of them, and I think the number demonstrates my incapability to stay in or keep a relationship. Moving on from that though, I am not quite sure what nickname to ascribe to this girl as she is another version of the Tart. In fact she is another version of the Tart in very many ways. I believe that the term BedBuddy will do, until I can think of something else.

Anyway the BedBuddy got in touch recently, in essence to assure me that she was indeed interested in intimate, but unemotional, activities with myself. Since then she has been trying to get me to ask her to move in with me, since she has no job, no house, and a severe nicotine habit to feed. My refusal has so far not gone down well with her, but she seems to have accepted it for the time being.

Incidentally other nickname suggestions for this one would be appreciated, I was thinking Leech, but I might have to save that one for when a true Leech comes along.

Now we can introduce a member of the cast who is not a potential bedroom partner in any way whatsoever. I just want to clarify that first, you will understand why shortly.

This new member is the Baby. Due to various circumstances I currently share a habitation with the majority of my family, hence the fact that I am looking for a new job. Sadly this does also mean that I am sharing my abode with my sister, her yuppie boyfriend, and their new baby.

Their new, loud baby.

Their new, loud baby who likes to be fed at night.

Their new, loud baby who communicates this fact by screaming at the top of his lungs until the whole house are awake.

I am introducing him because he really is a complication. I love the little parasite to pieces, I really do, but I do not react in the same entranced manner as every one else in this madhouse. Instead of being fascinated by the fact that he has just filled his nappy with human excrement I am repelled. I nearly had to break up a fight yesterday between my sister and my mother over who was going to change the nappy, they both wanted to do it.

I swear this place is insane.

Anyone looking for a live-in servant/sex-toy? I can cook, clean, scrub and so on. Just get me out of here.

And finally to the plans. At the end of November I will be absconding to a far, foreign country (okay, Ireland), in order to indulge myself in a week of illegal excess, indulgence and depravity with Slave. All I need now is to actually buy the tickets for the flight and get myself over there.

The Cast of this Little Melodrama

This is basically going to be the story of me, and the various relationships which seem to make their way into and out of my life on a regular basis. At the moment there are four relationships of a serious nature, so these are the four people who will get pseudonyms to start with. As others enter and leave the stage so they will be added and removed and even friends may get their own aliases should they become dramatic enough in some way.

Firstly we have the Tart. The Tart was someone whom I had a past relationship with, cohabitating even, until she revealed that she was psychotic and in serious need of therapy. After several attempted attacks upon my person I decided that enough was enough, and that she should be removed from my life. Since that time she has sought assistance with her various disorders, and resolved most of them. We have recently started talking again, and flirting, and as of a couple of nights ago she has started sending me home made pornographic material in the form of writings, pictures, and videos. The potential here seems to be for FiBs as neither herself nor myself have any interest in beginning an exclusive relationship with one another, but even at the worst of times the sex was great.

Secondly we have the Sweetie. The Sweetie is just that, very nice, very sweet, not my usual type but still attractive. She does not seem to have a particular interest in fetishism, outside of the average broad-mindedness, but she does have a nice healthy sex drive and gives fairly good blowjobs. The only problem is that I am actually worried about hurting her, emotionally that is. She is not as robust as the usual people I date, and she also seems the sort to fall in love easily.

On to number three now, the Slave. This one is rather self-explanatory and obvious. The disadvantage of the Slave is basically distance, but she has been asking to be collared by me, she has a complete lack of inhibitions, is highly masochistic and submissive, and would be a lot of fun. Problem as I said is distance, plus a few mental disorders which prevent certain things and might make life difficult. The Slave I should be visiting before the end of the year, so more detail will be available when I have actually met her in person and not simply seen her at the other end of a webcam and spoken with her on the phone.

Finally we have the worst one in a way, Miss Complicated. Miss Complicated is the one who appeals to me most of all, intelligent, funny, pretty. The problem is the complication. She is rather mixed up about certain things, disliking affection and intimacy unless she is in exactly the right mood, and emotional intimacy seems to be a great fear of hers. Obviously this gets a little irritating when I meet her, and talk with her, chatting about a range of things and then can not so much as stroke her arm without making her flinch. At other times its the opposite. She also swings between saying that she wants to be wanted, and being chatty and friendly, and again the complete opposite. Even though this is a stressful time for her, it makes me feel somewhat less than considerate.

So there you have the summary of the play of things at the moment. More detail will be following eventually but for now I am absconding to the nearest house of alocholic imbibement in order to get a drink and potentially find a few other names to add.