Friend Syndrome

Chatting with someone today a discussion of friend syndrome developed. If it so happens that there are some among my readers who do not know of, or have not encountered, said syndrome then I will be kind enough to explain it. Friend's syndrome is a particular collection of neuroses, insecurities and relationship difficulties that cause the person who possesses them to be seen as a friend by women, or men, rather than as a potential partner. There can be various different causes to the syndrome, but eventually they usually reduce to much the same origin.

In essence friend's syndrome usually arises when someone with a long-term friend decides that they would like that friendship to go further, while the other person involved would prefer it stays as a simple friendship for whatever reason they may have. This instills in the first party the feeling that they are always seen as just the friend, and they will begin complaining about this to anyone who might be within hearing range, reinforcing the syndrome as well as driving away potential partners, and potential friends. This self-reinforcement continues, with even potential partners being turned into friends by the fact that a person who may have been fairly normal has allowed themselves be turned, by one, or two, or more rejections into a whining, self-righteous, pathetic parody of humanity.

The best cure for such people is to give them a hard, open-handed blow across the cheeks, forcibly turn them around to apply a deal of force via your foot to their posterior, tell them to get over themselves and grow up, and then walk away until they do so. If they do not do so, the loss of their friendship is no real loss as they will continue to sink further and further into their self-righteous self-pity.

Masquerade

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth."

- Oscar Wilde

Masks are really quite amazing things. Little pieces of plastic, or china, or bone, or leather, or whatever else you might use. You place them over a face and suddenly the person is no longer there. That identity, even the personality is gone.

In the course of studying for a psychology degree I came across a concept of a social construct. These are used by people essentially to describe things. For example, if I say to you 'a doctor', it will instantly conjure an image in your mind. Our images may not be identical, but assuming that we are brought up in similar cultures and societies they will be similar. This is a particular example of a social construct, a stereotype associated with a word. If I were to put two constructs together, such as a 'young doctor', your image will change to incorporate the new information.

These constructs can be narrowed down much more, from stereotypes to instead describe facets of a person or even a thing. Concentrating on a person though, the different personalities they present to the world are social constructs. These are not simply pictures or ideas we hold in our heads, independent of the world. This is a two-way communication we hold with society. If we are told that we should be something, and everyone around us is that something, we will alter not only how we act but our very perception of ourselves on the spur of the moment to present a new construct to observers. The playboy-type, happy-go-lucky Mr R Rabbit presented in this blog may be intended by myself to be an accurate representation of myself, and in many ways is so, but even I will never be able to tell exactly how accurate it is as the very act of reading or writing in this blog almost forces me to put forward the appropriate facets of my personality.

You may be wondering what all this has to do with masks, particularly physical masks. Well constructs can change in an instant. The moment a certain person steps into a conversation for example people may go from open, raucous, the life and soul of a party, to quiet, withdrawn and shy. But now what happens if instead we have some sort of protection, a layer between us and everything else, a physical mask concealing that part of us which is most recognisable.

Often people say that masks make us all feel less inhibited, but that seems to me to be an over-simplification. In many way yes, masks do actually allow us to present more of ourselves than we otherwise might. We do not have to worry about judgment, because we can always throw away the mask and start again. We are no free-er than we were before though. Even behind an actual mask we are still presenting a construct, made up of what we believe others should see, or may want to see, what we ourselves think, and what we want to see. All we are doing is making that seperation easier.

Wear a mask and look in a mirror. You are no longer you, the true you is more hidden than ever, you are purely what you present to people, protected and safe. Safe enough to let this stranger in a mask do things that you may have hidden even from yourself. So behind that mask we are letting go and trying new things, but not because we can reveal our true selves, simply because we are better hidden.

If you have doubts, think of this, why do many people find it so much easier to have sex with the lights off? Why are there so many fetishes for costumes? Why are so many costumes and ideas designed to make all involved in sex something other than what they are, adding another layer of pretense to the wrapping? There is nothing wrong with this, but we should at least be honest.

This was meant to be a post much more about masks and costumes in sex, but I got myself a little distracted. I will do a post about anonymising sex, and role-play another time. I have to stop getting distracted like this.

Actually I will have to set up a poll. I am curious about what direction people think I should take this blog in, or if I should just carry on with the chaotic system I am using at the moment.