16 October 2007

What Would You Do for Money?

This post by chitty of the very good Riding The Slipstream is the inspiration for this post. Basically the actual list was something that was being discussed around a pub table a few months ago, and I was the only one who was actually honest about realistic prices, but there you go. Of course these are all circumstantial, depending on all sorts of things, including the person involved. Travel expenses are extra, obviously, and prices can and would vary hugely. This is just what came out of that pub discussion.

  • Erotic writing: £1 (per 250 words)
  • Kiss: £2.50 (price of a pint or shot)
  • Dirty talking: £5 (per thirty minutes I guess, plus price of call, variable)
  • 'Making out': £5 (again, per thirty minutes or so, though I don't plan to use a stopwatch)
  • Manual sex: £10 (for a woman, probably double for a male)
  • Plain escort: £20 (so long as I'm not paying expenses)
  • Oral sex: £20 (for women, no idea for a male, I'd have to decide at the time)
  • Cook for a meal: £25 (plus ingredients of course)
  • Counselling: £30 (per hour most likely)
  • Massage: £40 (that's for a full, proper massage)
  • 'Modelling': £50
  • Penetrative sex: £50 (again, women only, male would have to be decided at the time)
  • 'Deflowering': £100 (simply because paying for that seems so strange, so whoever's doing it probably comes with problems)
  • Fight: £100 (depending on situation, obviously)
  • Organise and run a cocktail party: £200 (plus costs)
  • Butlering/waitering/similar: £250 (per day, but that includes dinner jacket rental)
  • Stripping: £500 (I'm crap at it, and find dancing in public hideously embarssing, just walking around naked at a party or something would be infinitely easier, so cheaper for fewer people, or if I'm not expected to dance)
  • Duel: £5 000 (more if actually to the death, and dependent on weapon)
Well, I think that covers everything that I can think of at the moment. Maybe I should get business cards printed up.

Though I will point out that this is not, nor is it meant to appear to be in any way, my profession. I doubt I could make enough money off it if it was. Its just an estimate, in the same sort of feel as the 'what would you do for £1 000 000?' question.

15 comments:

AngelConradie said...

okay, this one i'm going to have to read again... slowly!

Simply Curious said...

Terrible...lol

Anonymous said...

what if instead of money, you use favors as currency? one of the people in my blogroll once posted about his ex who would exchange certain sexual favors for 'house maintenance' tasks, like blowjob for washing dishes, etc.

oh, and welcome to Coquette's Bed!

AngelConradie said...

right, so what would i do for money... i'll just take them from your list, i won't go so far as to add a rate...

Erotic writing, Kiss, Plain escort,
Cook for a meal, Counselling, Massage,
Modelling, Deflowering, Organise and run a cocktail party, Stripping

Mr R Rabbit said...

Coquette: See the thing is I used to pay my rent, and food contribution, in university by essentially being a house slave for my housemates. The big problem is that its kind of hard to cash in tokens for sexual favours or chores at the bank.

And thanks for the welcome.

Simply Curious: If you're complaining that the prices are too high I am quite sure we could come to some sort of arrangement.

Anonymous said...

I had a good chuckle at the "deflowering".
If I had to do any of the things on your list, the price would vary depending if it was a dare or a favour or a straightforward "job". Still, that does not mean that I would agree to do anything of a sexual nature for cash.

Nosjunkie said...

Okay I picked up at least three that I would do for free but thats just me.
However if I am gonna get paid for those things I wont say no thanks

I am not cheap Im just on special this week

The Divine Miss M said...

You are selling yourself really short though. I mean I'm with you on the whole kiss for the price of a pint (but then again I did makeout with my female friend to get a white stetson hat off some guy on his bachelors so my price is lower) but anything to do with sex I would want to command a higher price. But again I suppose it depends on how cute the guy is ...

I know I'd have sex with pretty much anyone for the region of £100 000 regardless of who they are.

Rabbit I'm assuming that your prices would depend on the person being attractive or would it go for fat butt ugly strange people too?

Mr R Rabbit said...

nosjunkie: So what would you do for free? I may have to book you.

Miss M: Obviously the prices vary depending on attractiveness and so on, and other factors.

As for the rest these were worked out very carefully over the course of many pints at the pub, and factor in such considerations as the intimacy or danger of the act, the time it requires, and the average price people would be willing to pay for certain things.

Of course, I'm not saying I'd actually do any of these for that little money, but those were the prices that were worked out at the time. Plus its worth remembering that my own enjoyment allows me to charge cheaper prices.

The Divine Miss M said...

I know my price to do just about anything minus the obviously really illegal things.

I think at last count it was £100 000 but I'm pretty sure I'd do a lot of things for a lot less!

Basically, I can be bought ... ;)

Lopz said...

Rabbit, I'm wondering if the numerous pints you consumed didn't perhaps impair your judgement a bit, and if you'd had less your prices may in fact be a bit higher?

It's well known that major alcohol consumption can cause people to settle for much less than they ordinarily would.

One more pint and you might even have had a two for one special on snogs - 2 kisses for a beer. ;-)

Mr R Rabbit said...

I suppose its possible. Then again I tend to give those away for free anyway, free samples you know.

Twin Pistols said...

£5 for thirty minutes of dirty talk? £50 and half a bottle of Asda-value whiskey would be my terms. But then, I'm sober, and you so obviously weren't. :p

Thanks for the welcome, by the way (and the same to you). And I love the idea of the cast-list. Might try a similar thing myself. Only started this blog cause my lecturer said we should, but I may as well go the whole hog.

Princess of the Universe said...

I think you should charge more for counselling- my therapist certainly does!

Mr R Rabbit said...

Pistols: Cast lists are always handy, particularly to stop anyone who I know who might read this from working out who they are. Of course if it is someone I know they can probably piece together the parts.

Princess: I refuse to charge more for counselling, I like people, and I like helping people. Besides the amount I would like to charge isn't exactly cheap.