Experiences of Sex and Pain

Even for supposedly vanilla people sex and pain are often intrinsically linked. This post may contain a handful of terms which some are not familiar with, so it might be easier for me to explain them now. Vanilla refers to plain sex, though people use the term differently. Some use it to refer to any sex which does not involve some sort of kink or violence, others use it to refer specifically to missionary sex. Bondage refers to being bound, whether with rope, chains or anything else. Domination and submission refer to power plays, usually just during sex but for some people extending a long way outside the bedroom. Sadomasochism is an enjoyment of giving or receiving pain.

One important thing for this post is the distinction between kinks and fetishes. A fetish is a strictly defined term, and in terms of sex means something without which someone cannot have sex. A kink on the other hand is simply something which can enhance the experience or enjoyment of sex. I have many, many kinks, but no true fetishes.

Now as to my own experiences, my first experience of rough sex, sadomasochism, was also the first time I actually had sex. That one I have already talked about, so this is more for the others.

Mainly in alternative sex, as it is sometimes described, I tend to take a dominant role. It can happen that the right person can push me into a submissive attitude, but that is extremely rare. The first time that occurred was with the same girl who I had my first time with. I ended up being entertainment for a party, though I still do not know how many people there were at the party, having been blindfolded and restrained for the whole time. The details are rather vague and blurred in my head, the whole thing being a mess of voices, hands, and the occasional mouth, for eight hours.

I could barely move afterwards. Being locked with your wrists to your ankles for eight hours of writhing and struggling takes its toll on your joints. I had marks around my wrists and ankles for weeks afterwards.

Of course as I said I have been very much on the other side before, I have had people acting as my pets for days, following every order, surrendering everything in the way of choice to me for a time and taking punishment if they disobey. This is why I am looking forward to my trip to Ireland, it has been a long time since I have been able to play with someone with that level of submission. I have various toys along those lines, a simple whip which I have never used. It is more a prop than anything else. A cane which is particularly well-made, with a nice weight, and leaves good solid welts when correctly applied to the body. Carefully blunted knives which can prick and give the illusion of danger, but are incapable of actually cutting.

Safety is actually important in this sort of sex though. Safe words are used in case things go too far, something I am careful to establish with any partner who may be partaking in risky activities with me. I have spare keys for any restraints I have, and a small set of lockpicks just in case those go missing.

Definitely looking forward to Ireland though, where I can actually put this sort of thing to its full use again. I may not want to indulge every time, but every now and then it is an urge which I want to have a chance to explore.